Really? Really?!!?

Have you seen the Saturday Night Live segment (hilarious...) where they sarcastically ask "Really?!?" to absurdities? I was out to dinner last night with friends at a hipper-than-thou place in Brighton, and encountered a waitress who I can only hope knows how to use condoms. 

First she reminded me that women in Europe drink during pregnancy. Really? 

I asked about the cheeses being pasteurized (a question I hate, but I'd also hate it if the cupcake got a bacterial infection in the womb--that's what I tell myself when I feel timid. And no, not ordering the cheese plate is never an option.). She said something about them all being very exotic, but she's never been pregnant and isn't sure what's okay or not... Really?? Cause I have a doctor for those kinds of things. I needed a yes or no, not guidance. 

Then I was thinking aloud about whether it'd be okay to have a poached egg on top of the salad I was ordering (okay in terms of pregnancy, like is poached cooked enough... "okay" in terms of what should go on top of a salad is another story), and the waitress goes, "People smoke crack when they're pregnant and their babies turn out fine." 

REALLY ??!!??

I told her that was a great attitude but to leave off the poached egg. 

I thought that people were supposed to give you unsolicited advice about being overly-cautious, like tsk-tsking a cup of coffee... not chide the way we silly pregnant women shy away from heavy narcotics!