the existential meaning of t-shirts

I'm writing this in procrastination from going to the gym, because it's raining and I don't want to walk there. If I wait too long though, I'll just get insta-starving again. And that's why I need to get to the gym in the first place! 

The whole "eating for two" thing that I'm getting lots of reminders on? The "two" in question is still only the size of peach. And since the head is 3/4 the size of the body right now, I can't imagine that the cupcake needs its own pizza. [It's so funny--the head starts out huge. When we did the 12-week ultrasound yesterday, I wanted to shout to Anil, "Look at the size of that heeed" in a terrible Scottish accent, like Mike Meyers in So I Married an Axe Murderer.] 

But tell that to my ravenous stomach. As I start the second trimester, and as I anticipate (and experience) getting rounder, I'm trying to be contentious about what and how much I'm eating, and trying to exercise as much as possible. According to the book, if I'm working out then it'll help the pounds find their way to the appropriate destination, my belly, as opposed to my arms, hips, and thighs. We'll see about that. I'm eagerly awaiting the emergence of a genuine baby bump to round out my pot belly--that's supposed to be my first reward of second trimester status. I keep thinking I have the bump, but then Anil will feel a few inches from where my belly is poking out, apparently where the uterus will emerge, and say it's still hiding. And that means that the belly that is already a bump consists solely of the five or so pounds that I've put on. Though I contend that the real estate has expanded on the inside, so doesn't the outside have to accommodate? 

Even if I'm not showing yet in that sense, though, I've had to put all of my regular-fitting t-shirts away in a storage bin, probably to not be revisited until next summer. It's so funny--I look at them and think, "Will I wear this Johnny Cupcakes t-shirt when I'm a mom?" As if when those t-shirts reemerge I'll be this alternate person. I know I'll still be me, but I do wonder how I'll be different, and in what ways. According to Anil, pre-pregnancy I could still thrown on jeans, a t-shirt, and baseball cap and look like I'm in high school. Will having a baby change that somehow? It's strange to think about. 

Really? Really?!!?

Have you seen the Saturday Night Live segment (hilarious...) where they sarcastically ask "Really?!?" to absurdities? I was out to dinner last night with friends at a hipper-than-thou place in Brighton, and encountered a waitress who I can only hope knows how to use condoms. 

First she reminded me that women in Europe drink during pregnancy. Really? 

I asked about the cheeses being pasteurized (a question I hate, but I'd also hate it if the cupcake got a bacterial infection in the womb--that's what I tell myself when I feel timid. And no, not ordering the cheese plate is never an option.). She said something about them all being very exotic, but she's never been pregnant and isn't sure what's okay or not... Really?? Cause I have a doctor for those kinds of things. I needed a yes or no, not guidance. 

Then I was thinking aloud about whether it'd be okay to have a poached egg on top of the salad I was ordering (okay in terms of pregnancy, like is poached cooked enough... "okay" in terms of what should go on top of a salad is another story), and the waitress goes, "People smoke crack when they're pregnant and their babies turn out fine." 

REALLY ??!!??

I told her that was a great attitude but to leave off the poached egg. 

I thought that people were supposed to give you unsolicited advice about being overly-cautious, like tsk-tsking a cup of coffee... not chide the way we silly pregnant women shy away from heavy narcotics! 

another funny combo: growing belly and skinny jeans

Now that I've updated some posts on how crummy I felt in June, the really good news is that since July started, I've been feeling great. My energy is back, and I'm no longer crazy-starving, just regular hungry, and it's fun to eat again. I'm also able to get back to the gym and be more active, so I feel more like myself instead of a ballooning couch potato. It is such a relief--like the feeling you have after getting over a virus when you realize how wonderful it is to just feel normal. I'm still in my first trimester (I'm almost 11 weeks now, but I've learned that officially the first trimester lasts until 14 weeks, so just over three months), so I'm incredibly grateful to be feeling good again already.

The most fun thing about eating dinner now is that by the end of the day, when I eat, my belly literally doubles! I'm very solidly in the pot-belly stage, which means that I'm not officially "showing," but my belly is nonetheless making itself known. The book says that my uterus is now the size of a grapefruit, so since it's being such a space hog inside my belly (though won't start poking out till August), I guess as I eat throughout the day, my stomach has to expand somewhere, and the only place to go is out! It's hilarious. 

I got one of those belly bands (looks like a black tube top) that I wear over my perpetually unbuttoned jeans, and laugh at myself all day for walking around like that. I've also scoured some stores for still-cute but looser-fitting t-shirts, and thank goodness they're so in style. The other day I found this style from C & C California at Marshall's and bought it in three colors. Because of my short and, formerly, small frame, all of my shirts are on the shorter and tighter side, and none of them work anymore in this pot-belly stage. I've started putting them away in a storage bin so I don't put them on out of habit then recoil from the mirror.

I even busted out some skinny jeans yesterday (yes, ironic that gaining weight in the mid-section has led to skinny jeans--I didn't say I could button them) to wear with a longer, looser v-neck t-shirt that I just got from Madewell. I'd only worn these jeans with boots over them before, thinking that the skinny jeans/loose shirt look was for "the kids". But now that I'm switching to looser shirts, I need to balance the proportion, else I just look kind of dumpy. And I did a Google search on celebrity pregnancy styles and found this one over and over again, so while I do NOT claim to have Heidi Klum's canvas, I can at least mimic some styles. Anil said that being pregnant will probably make me wear cuter outfits because I have to think so much more about what I wear out of the house. He also almost had a hernia when my mom said, "Why don't you just get some stretch pants?" She hastily explained that she meant stretchy yoga pants, not the kind with stirrups, but the damage had already been done, ha ha. 

I'll add a food-baby-belly photo soon--I just need to stay in cute clothes long enough at night to have Anil take a picture of me. 

the month of living dangerously... I mean nauseously

This is the last post I'll do on the "month of living nauseously" in June. I thought it was be fun to do a retrospective of all the places I felt queasy or tired or gross. Please note that since there were only three "mostly sunny" days recorded in Boston for the entire month of June, this list would be longer if I had left the house more. To be honest though, I didn't mind the weather because I was just as happy to lay around on the couch all day, day after day. But on the days I got out, here are the places I have been nauseous in Boston recently:

-Fenway Park (everyone else was guzzling beers, yet I was the one to feel queasy for the whole game)

-the Esplanade

-the Patagonia store

-Newbury Street

-the movie theater (ironically, watching "The Hangover")

-also, the entire east coast of Maine

the combo you never thought possible

I've already mentioned here how my weirdo brand of morning sickness for the month of June was a combination of alternately then simultaneously feeling nauseous and starving. And not a fun kind of starving either--not the kind where you really enjoy stuffing a cheeseburger in your face. It was this gnawing, dizzying, and yes, nauseating kind of starving. I'd eat a regular dinner, then hit 11 p.m., be ready to go to bed, and suddenly be starving again. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and be so hungry I couldn't sleep. 

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my official pregnancy sponsor for the month of June: Cheerios. I have not eaten this many Cheerios since I was a child. I'm talking at least a box a week, and at least three to four bowls a day. I'd eat them first thing in the morning (then have a regular breakfast), between meals, before bed, and in the middle of the night. I was starving, yes, but I didn't want any particular kind of food--most food was unappetizing when I thought about it (cupcakes aside). But Cheerios are just the right blend of bland and satisfying. 

the peace offering

Thankfully, this incident happened about two weeks ago, and as of the start of July, I've felt great, but more on that later. In the last week of June, I was still feeling on-and-off awful. On my toughest day, I was working at Patagonia from 10-6, and from the time I left for work till the time I went to bed that night, I felt simultaneously nauseous and starving. It was like I was starving in my belly and nauseous in my head. It was the most bizarre and maddening feeling, because I'd eat and sit and breathe and drink more damn ginger tea (which I never want again) and nothing would help. I left work a few hours early in an act of submission, because who wants to buy fleece from someone with their head on the register counter. 

At home, I was watching TV and saw a cake mix commercial, and I had an epiphany. What I needed was a peace offering--I needed to make cupcakes for the cupcake (that's still what we're calling the little one). So Anil, who at that point would have scaled a mountain to make me feel better, went out and got cake mix and frosting, and we made cupcakes. Lemon with vanilla frosting, and they were gooooood. I ate three or four, and to be honest, still felt nauseous, but it was satisfying and at least felt constructive. Better than ginger tea.