Anil and I spent all of Saturday at a childbirth class. If you’ve been a recipient of an email or text that I’ve sent containing the words “childbirth class” over the past week or so, I can almost guarantee that it was followed by the word, “Yikes!”
I was nervous. Excited, but also anxious because I figured the class would make this whole birth thing feel more real, and, to be honest, I was freaked out by the promised birth video. I was the one who put my head down during the 8th grade viewing of “The Miracle of Life.” I was momentarily traumatized by that money shot of the baby crowning in “Knocked Up”. (Wasn’t everyone? In an interview on NPR Judd Apatow admitted that that was his intention—thoughtful of him.) I turn my head away from flu shots and from getting blood drawn, and I stay relatively relaxed as long as I can’t see what’s happening. I make denial work in my favor. When I give birth, it’s not like I’m going to have a front row seat visually speaking, if you know what I mean. I'm not writing a birth plan, but if I did it would begin with "No mirrors!"
Overall though, it was anticlimactic. We took the “prepared childbirth class” versus the “natural” one, as well as the one-day versus two or more, so we probably got the most condensed version, even at 6 hours. I should note here that no one does "Lamaze" classes anymore--I've had a few people ask if that's what this class was, and I always get this picture in my head of women from the 80s in leotards going "hee hee hoooooo". Lamaze is a kind of breathing that you can do if you want, to help you through contractions, but there are also a handful of other widely-used strategies, and there are other classes that emphasize them, especially if you're hoping for an unmedicated birth. This class was much more widely focused--we went over final stages of pregnancy, labor in its different stages, how you know it's really happening and when to head to the hospital (later than I thought--not till contractions are five minutes apart, so you can labor at home for hours before you have to trade those comfy Juicy maternity pants for a hospital gown), what you might bring, and very basic differences of natural and pain-managed childbirth. And the promised birth videos.
The videos did make me feel like I was in 8th grade again, but mainly due to the snickering and eyebrow raising going on in the room. It was hard to take them seriously most of the time. Then again, the kind of women who volunteer to have cameras pointed at their hoo-has and have their labor and delivery filmed for posterity aren’t usually going to be ones you’d meet out for drinks. Seeing someone make a face during a contraction is not what I had in mind when I dropped my credit card for a birth class, nor was a post-birth interview with the happy couple about how it was all worth it—isn’t that what TLC’s “A Baby Story” is for? Or YouTube if you’re really adventurous. I took the class because I wanted something more interactive and dynamic than a book or video, so at times I was more annoyed than anxious when staring at the screen.
What was ultimately helpful, though, was the emphasis on teamwork, for lack of a better word. The class involved the “support person” every step of the way and emphasized how Anil will be able to help me through different stages of labor (best tip of the day: bring a toothbrush to the hospital so laboring woman won’t want to gauge your eyes out if you breath tuna sub in her face), and how he can be a part of everything, from start to finish—how his support, physically and emotionally, will actively help me through labor.
Anil knows all of the medical steps, and I had to hit his leg to get him to stop texting during the c-section video, but the way that the class tapped into his involvement was a nice surprise. He’s been working a lot lately, and feeling frustrated that he can’t do anything to ease the pain in my ribcage at night when he does happen to be home, and let’s face it—he’s not the one with physical symptoms that demand he slow down his lifestyle but he still has to negotiate the changes in mine, so I think he’s felt like too much of a bystander lately, because nothing’s really changed for him yet except me. And since we don’t have the kind of schedule where we get home from work and cook dinner together or spend Saturdays at the movies or something reassuringly routine like that, it’s been hard to connect from two different places lately, beyond being task-oriented in errands like The Container Store (oooh romantic!) or complaining about how we’re bored by this season of “Heroes” that’s backing up on our DVR when we have a day or night off together.
In one video, however, it’s suggested that you take a walk during early labor. A fine idea (if you aren’t due in Jan/Feb in Boston), until the man remarks, “Taking a walk was really relaxing for me.” Really? Really?! Because your lower half wasn’t trying to secede from your torso. I get that the guy can be nervous at the onset of labor too, but please. Maybe that will give us something to laugh about when I am in labor, and that’s a good coping strategy to hang onto. I also hope they don't try to present my placenta like a tray of brownies; the instructor swore that was just for the video.
After the class, we kept the good vibe going by getting take-out Indian food and watching "Away We Go." And making and eating an almost entire batch of cookies. Go teamwork!
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