I'm not a dumb person. I have an advanced degree. I went so far as a year into a Ph.D. program, and not staying in it wasn't a matter of smarts or ability. I've taught college-level writing. I've lived and traveled abroad. I've moved to new cities and gotten jobs, found housing, and switched jobs and housing when better opportunities arose. I've had more than one job for more years than I've had only one, so I'd say I can multitask, and that it's not just book smarts that's kept me afloat for 31 years thus far.
But seriously? Mommy brain threatens to devastate the synapses I've spent years honing.
A few weeks ago, a friend and I had lunch at Chipotle, and she called me as I was driving away to say that her car battery had died. So I swung back around, and we attempted to connect the red clamp to the correct side of the battery. (Note to self, it does matter which color goes on which sign.) One of our better lines was, "Does it matter that it's kind of raining?" (Note to self: YES.) We bumbled around until, thankfully though embarrassingly, two guys in blue uniforms parked next to us and asked if we could use a hand. One guy asked if we had a soda in the car that he could throw on my friend's car battery to get rid of the built up acid that covered it, so I went into my car to get the Diet Coke I'd refilled before leaving Chipotle, and found it missing. Then I realized that I'd left it on the back bumper of my car--I'd stashed it there so I could use that hand to put Maya into her car seat, and I probably said out loud that I'd leave it there, thinking that acknowledgement was some kind of insurance policy on mommy brain. I had, in fact, driven away and lost it to the parking lot. We got my friend's car battery started just fine after that, and we both humbly and laughingly retreated home.
Then today I topped that story. It was pouring rain when we were leaving to meet friends for lunch, and our non-car seat equipped Jeep was blocking the Maya-mobile Subaru in the driveway. While Anil packed Maya into the Subaru, I hopped into the Jeep and moved it out of the driveway and onto the street. Then I waited for Anil to pull up next to the Jeep so that I could pop quickly from one car to the other and not get too soaked. I popped from car to car so quickly, apparently, that I forgot to take the keys out of the Jeep. And... wait for it... not only did I leave the keys in the car, they were in the ignition... ON. I left the car running, on the street in front of our house, for the entire time we were at lunch. Really?! Who does that? It's a whole new level of mommy brain. And Internet, as much as I wanted to immediately pretend that it never happened, as that level of absent-mindedness seems all but impossible, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to live this one down.
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